Distressed grandmother seeks advice

Dear Nanny,

Perhaps with your many grandchildren, you can help me! My daughter and I are quite close, and when her first baby, my first grandchild arrived 8 months ago, I was ecstatic! I loved being with my granddaughter! I saw her almost daily: fed her, clothed her, bathed her, sang to her, and held her close. I even took her for a number of overnight visits. When my grandbaby was 6 months old, my sister, who lives out of state, became ill and I spent the next month caring for her as she recovered. When I returned, my granddaughter wanted nothing to do with me!! I am heart broken and don’t know what to do!

--Confused Granny

Dear Confused,

It certainly sounds as if you have had a challenging time! What a lucky family you have to be the recipient of so much of your tender love and care. As luck would have it, one of my grandbabies, when just a bit younger than your granddaughter, went on a trip with his parents to Ireland and I missed him sorely for the two weeks he was away. When he returned, he certainly was a bit reticent about staying with his Nanny. You see, babies normally form strong attachments to one or two adult caregivers. These attachments give them a feeling of safety. If they are separated from their attachment figures (such as a beloved parent or, in this instance, a granny), babies may actually experience psychological stress. A month long separation, which probably felt quite short to you while caring for your ailing sister, can feel like an eternity to a young child.

Give your granddaughter time to get used to having you back in her life. It may take a little while for her to trust that you won’t disappear again, but soon your granny-grandbaby bond will be as strong as ever!

Nanny